do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
