I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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