Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
