The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
