I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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