They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
