my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
