My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
