just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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