Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
