ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if only i could text you this smell
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
