You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
