It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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