Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
