Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
