a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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