OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize