Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
