He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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