Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
