I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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