Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My bed smells like the plague
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
