Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
