i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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