hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
