Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize