Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
