got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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