just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
