the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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