Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
