I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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