I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
