so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
