he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
