I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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