sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
