It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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