I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
