Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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