I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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