Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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