the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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