The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
