She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
