We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize