Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
