The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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