dude i'm inner monologue high
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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