grandma shit on top of the toilet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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