the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
