I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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