I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
