I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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