She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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