Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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