i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
