you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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