I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
