it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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