420 ftw
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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